Well, its obvious I'm not really keeping up my end of the bargain on this blog thing!! I'm doing about one a month, not quite what I'd hoped for. I DO have some reason to believe I actually might start writing more though: I'm thinking about sending my TV back with Mom and Pop next weekend. I know... T.J. w/ no TV - what the hell is the world coming to?

The thing is, if I do have them take back my TV then I wouldn't have to worry about fitting it into Ben's truck (Ashley's garage for the week before), OR it getting rained on if its in the back of Ben's truck. Besides, I don't want TV anymore anyway cuz I can't get any reception, and I think I have another few weeks to cancel my Blockbuster online membership - even if I don't cancel, I can watch DVDs on my computer. So, I'm probaly going to see if they can take the TV back as well as my mini-bandsaw. The chances that I'll use either of those much in the next 35 days is pretty slim.

I Hope Ashley's OK we me storing stuff in her garage - she said she is... and I told her just to let me know if she wanted to change her mind. Anyway, thats really awesome of her.. now I just have to hope I can get permission to use the CSU truck and maybe get some help outloading stuff from my apartment. I was going to start "packing" and condensing stuff tonight but I doubt I'll get around to it.

Today has been weird... I decided not to set my alarm and just wait for my cell phone to ring from work to wake me up (i didn't have anything scheduled that I needed to be on campus for - just on call for problems w/ the AIDS conference or nething else). This happened about 8:30 with a call from the Corbett front desk staff - thankfully, it was a girl named sarah that is nice, however, if she had read the info form I put together, she would not have needed to call me.. OH WELL. It was ok anyway, cuz 3 minutes later Karen calls, and needs me to go to campus to let some people into the student center to get sound equipment out they had forgotten last night. She asks if I'm "awake" and I'm honest w/ her and tell her I just woke up not dressed or nething but that I can be to campus in 15 minutes - luckily I took the truck last night - gotta remember to get in early tomorrow (it WAS raining!! AND C2ea has needed me a lot). Anyway, so I go to campus, meet these guys, lead them through the kitchen in the LSC to the ballroom, pick up their shit, and then figure out how to operate the big giant freight elevator - I didn't mind too much.

So I get back to my place and decide I'll go back to sleep. I figure my phone will ring again... it does, about 15 min. after I lay down I think.. luckily a basic question I can answer from home on some mini-fridges needing to be put into some dorm rooms. I pop in "Resevoir Dogs" for the second time and eat a bowl of that pour-over cheddar popcorn, it looks pretty gross and is probably so bad for me but I had craving. I fall asleep for the 2nd time to the movie in 2 days, and figure I'll get woken up w/in the hour by the phone. Turns out I sleep from like Noon to 7 P.M.!!!!! I woke up every hour or so to roll over since I have my futon on the floor and its not comforatable at all, but man, i just slept the day away.

So i got up a few hours ago, took a shower, and contemplated cleaning up my apartment as its been pretty messy since lindsay's visit (not her fault - just have my camping shit and clothes everywhere along w/ the usual plates, pop cans, etc.). This didn't sound too appealing, but I was hungry. I have food here.. and I've been making a serious attempt to save money by not eating out. I just needed to get out of my place though, its hot, stuffy and I wanted to interact w/ some other humans. I called James but he got a flat - tomorrow I may take him to the tire place on lunch w/ the OCS truck. So I decide on Waffle House, the new one, and walk down there.

It was kinda funny walk cuz I decided to go down the alleys instead of on the streets. I have never felt in danger in Fort Collins, but it was sorta spooky cuz it was all dark. It also smelled bad, because all those houses and businesses have their dumpsters in the alley. Luckily, my appetite was still in tact by the time I arrived and Waffle House did not dissapoint on the human interaction/entertainment aspect. I grabbed a Coloradoan but was immediately helped out and my order taken, then this girl comes up behind the counter and says "HEY, GIVE ME FIVE BUDDY!" I oblige, because she seems to seriously need me to slap her hand in a big way. Let me paint a picture: This girl is probably 19-20, slightly overweight, black, and has decided to "paint" pencil-thin eyebrows onto her forhead in place of the real thing. I thought to myself that she almost resembled a clown as much as your typical "made-up" girl - and wondered if she knew that she might look sorta funny to most people - but then I just thought, eh.. to each their own. It wasn't even her look that was so strange. She went on to explain to me that she "hadn't slept in 32 hours!!" I asked if she was an insomniac, thinking back to "The Machinist" i pretty cool movie I watched last night. She said - "Either that or freaking CRAZY!!!" Well that was the last I conversed with this character, but she sure was interesting to watch the rest of my time as I scarfed down my waffle, eggs, and toast and read about this weekend's Brewfest activities. I honestly think if I had been the manager, I would have sent her home for lack of professionalism. But then I think - I've been to the waffle house twice now, and I don't think professionalism and customer service seems to be what they are concerned about most. Still.. I'll go back :)

So I'm thinking going to sleep tonights not going to be particularly easy after sleeping a good 7 hours this afternoon. That sucks, cuz I want to be to the office by 7:30 tomorrow and always from now on... this way I'll have 8 hours in by 3:30, and I'll usually stay til at leat 4:30-5, so that guarantees some overtime above and beyond the weekend hours. We'll see how this plan pans out, as last week I didn't go in before 9 cuz linds was here and stuff, and no one seemed to care at all - at least I still worked late everynight go get at least 8 hours a day.

Still, no matter how many extra hours I work, the money's just not going to add up like I want/need it to. I want to have my credit card completely paid off by the time of the trip to the islands, AND almost more importantly at this point, I want to have my parents paid back. The thing is, there is no way I can do both, pay my remaining bills, and have enough money to prepare and then LIVE on St. John for a month w/o a job, even if I make a ton on all the rest of my paychecks. So basically, I'm hoping to have my credit paid off, at least a grand for the VI(OK, this probably won't happen, but I don't think it would be smart to go down w/ any less than $500), and then continue (START!) to pay my parents back the $1200 bucks I owe them. I just know the little things are going to add up though that I don't think about when I'm budgeting - - - no more eating out!!! I doubt the security deposit on the apartment will be much more than have of the $400 i had to put down, as they've pretty much been shitty to deal with and don't seem to have much respect for their tenants - hopefully I can schedule a walkthrough though so all the deduct for is carpet cleaning. Then there is the PERA money that is going into an account each paycheck. I think this should be about $500 by the time I quit CSU and get ahold of it - so hopefully this can go toward what I owe Mom and Pop or into savings. I'm REALLY hoping I can get out of my T-mobile account - and I need to cancel everthing else soon (phone line for internet, blockbuster). I'm freaking about money, BUT, I realize I'm lucky too... No student loans, no car payments, no car insurance, basically nothing after this months on Friday and then the additional utitly payments (which will be a lot). The thing is, I NEED to get insurance before my trip, would like to go to the Dentist, and maybe the Dr. So that all will add up.

AHH, i just stressed myself out thinking about that stuff. Oh well, i need something to do to stay up for awhile, cuz Ashley is supposed to call when she gets back in town from Camp, and I worry about her driving in the mountains at night - 1 year ago she wouldn't even drive to Denver. The thing is, I wouldn't worry about her if she was w/ me, or more likely with James and Laura. She's w/ susan though, and susan's friendly and great and I love her, but she is a lot more immature (just turned 21 - the night I picked up Ashley at 4:30am). Her friends got Ashley trashed, and it sounds like they delight in the things just about every 21 year old does - getting hammered in public, doing stuff that is crazy, fun, and boderlines on dangerous just about everytime. Maybe I just worry too much, Ash can take care of herself but she relies on other people and I don't want her doing that when she is smarter/more mature than those she's relying on. Ashley got mad at me the other night for expressing some of this - telling me she could take care of herself and she hated everyone worrying about her and thinking she couldn't make her own decisions. I guess all I can say is that I love and care about her, and that I just want the best for her.

Last night I talked to Patty Degen on the phone for about an hour. I had to call to see if it was OK for me to stay at there place before Ben picks me up in August. It was of course fine. We actually had a really good talk about me and Ashley (i didn't tell her everything), Brian and Julie, Brett, and how we've all grown up in different ways. Its so funny, because I can tell she loves Brian very much, but I still think that she is "surprised" he has a girlfriend and so many good friends. I told her that I'm just lucky to have Brian as my best friend and that when I'm with him I honestly feel like I can do/take on just about anything. We talked about that ability of his - how he just makes the best of things and can be happy anywhere anytime. But ya on a sad note their little schnauser Heinikin - who I never got to know or like as much as Mausi - had a stroke and is paralyzed. Sounds like they will put him down after Brian's visit. Patty asked me to pray for him... I said I'd give my "best thoughts" towards him before I went to bed and she said that was "good enough." This left me feeling weird... so I actually did say a "real" prayer to the Christian God that Patty believes in. I emailed her and told her, so hopefully things work out how they are meant to for them and Heinekin.

It was really nice having Linday and Abby here. I like Abby and am glad she came. Its funny, she in many ways seems very sure of herself and her opinions (she reminded me SO much of Lee), yet she was always asking and double checking on EVERYTHING!!! haha but I had a great time w/ those girls and a lot more fun then when amber and her friends came out (sorry if you ever read this amber - but it was just a whole different connection). On a selfish note, to be able to drive throught RMNP and up to CCO was absolutley amazing for me. Colorado is so beautiful, and I honestly forget because I don't make it up there w/ work and no car and stuff. As I was walking down to join CCO for vespers (which I missed cuz they were so early!!), I actually started crying at the beauty that surrounded me, and the memories that flooded my brain. If I ever find another place as beautiful and where I feel as at home as CCO I'll be one lucky bastard. I was ready to be assigned a cabin of kids and stay for the rest of the summer. That whole trip up there was great - sure people got cranky and stuff, and I hope that the girls didn't get offended as I spend some much needed meditation type alone time at certain point during hte trip - but overall it was really awesome and beautiful not just in physical sights and surroundings but in the people and conversations as well.

Same thing when we went up in the Poudre Valley Tuesday night - I was like "God why don't I do this every week." It was SO insanely gorgeous up there, and just sitting by the river watching the kayakers and eventually the sun disappearing over the moutains and lighting up the clouds and cliffs in purples and oranges, and being FUCK!!! I have to go into work right now 11:15 P.M. Great planning by the C2EA people huh!? I'll finish this when I get back w/ another post.. later