Curiousity killed the cat... - or at least made his trip to the Islands not quite as exciting!

OK - STOP!! I keep looking at stuff about the islands and looking for jobs and looking at VINOW.com and stuff - i want to be able to have it all figured out but I know this isn't the way it's going to work.... AND, I know its no the way I want to do it - i wanna be prepared, but I want to experience this and learn it for myself.

The big thing - i'm getting really nervous!! Nervous if I'll like it, nervous if I'll be happy, nervous if I'll be safe, and mostly the biggest thing is I think nervous that I'll have to come back after just the month and want to stay a lot longer! Maybe some of this is hitting me because last night after work I went over to the little Dive shop that is right on the corner of campus basically and picked up a mask/snorkel/fins set. My parents got me this for my birthday - since I'll be down on St. John at the end of August. It makes things seem more real - and i'm sorta scared! Not scared for snorkeling :)... That I'm excited about! Just the whole experience and stuff and how it will be. There were actually some decent looking jobs in the online paper for the islands on St. Thomas and even St. John (a hotel day manager) - but I don't know if I should like wait till I'm there or make some calls or what.

The good thing is this - things have been just sorta happening lately that are good or have worked out. For instance, when the work truck died, James came and jumped it. Or that it works well for Brian to come pick me up after they raft thursday the 4th and everyoen seems ok w/ this. OR, whats really cool is Helen was so excited to have me stay w/ her and I was too - and then even better! Marian says she needs a house-sitter for that week so now I'm all set. Its like things are just falling into place - Finances still worry me, but then again the Moby Sessions came up and that is extremely easy for me to do every night and will mean an additional $400 or so that I hadn't been counting on for my last 2 paychecks. So, yes, money is a worry and I still need to continue to save and be careful and not spend a lot on food and stuff - but I think I will be able to completely pay off my credit card and *hopefully* have somewhere in the vacinity of $600-$1000 in cash for when I take off for St. John. And thats not really counting my PERA refund and apartment deposit - so that should be at least another $1000 that I can use when it comes time to get a car/aparement/etc. Still have to keep paying back the parents though - and hopefully won't have to use any credit down in St. John. Anyway - its obvious this weighs on my mine huh?

So I saw Ashley and we had McDonald's the other night. It was OK - i said some stupid things just cause I wanted to tell her how I felt (that some of the stuff she does w/ her new "crew" is dumb I think). I shouldn't have done that. But it was OK overall I think it had been a long time since I'd seen her! She is as beautiful as ever and its still hard not to just hug/kiss/hold her hand - or want to anyway. The funny thing is when things were going downhill w/ me and her its like she would always want to hold on to me just a bit longer when we hugged - and I took it for granted - I was/am so stupid sometimes. Anyway, she checked out Moby w/ me and kinda humored me and hung out a few minutes so I wouldn't be so bored (James did this last night too, so that was cool). Things are just.. i dunno different and weird and hard. Two and a half years.. thats a long time.

OK, i'm going to go put up some signs for work for a check-in this afternoon - then off to lunch at the Pizza Hut buffet w/ James. May update later as things are pretty slooooooww today.