See "Crash" - Don't pay with a baggie of change!!

To blog or not to blog...

I guess I'll write for a bit and see what comes out. I've been putting off updating for awhile for whatever reason. Most likely just too tired after work and from already being at a computer most of the day. So ya, update on work I guess.

Things are going.. surprisingly well. There was a point today where I was in the Clark building walking up to see how one of the confernce sponsors was doing where i was kinda like, "you know what, I sorta like my job sometimes." Anyway, its already been a LONG week. I've been adding it up in my head, I think i'm at like 44 hours already and I still have all day tomorrow. This is great because that means like 14 hours of overtime - its not so much how much i work each pay period - but how much I work in a WEEK that gets me the big bucks. So already I know I should have a couple hundred bucks in overtime tacked onto the next check. Anyway, long days, but things are winding down and like i'm basically DONE w/ paperwork, so that is always nice. Eh.. enough about work for now.

I just got back from "Crash" which I convinced James to go with me to. I think he really liked it. I liked it a lot. Eric should show this film in Co-cultural communication. A lot to think about in this picture. And the thing was, even w/ the people next to me talking and stuff, i got really pulled in and emotionally involved in this film. There is one part where you think that the unspeakable has happened to this beautiful little girl and my heart like skipped a beat. This film demonstrates something James and I have been talking about lately - the fact that no one is perfect and that their is good and evil in each and every one of us. Anyway, I liked this movie. You don't come out feeling happy, but you don't feel sad either... You just - FEEL. and for a movie to do that these days is what makes it worth 2 hours of your life.

One funny thing about going to the movie was that it was at the cheap theater since its old, and I didn't want to spend any money tonight. I DID have my change jar however so I paid for both James and I in change in pennies in a little baggie - kinda weird but hey its money! Plus I needed to get rid of a lot of that change. I had James pull over at the gas station and I put $10.00 in gas in his tank since he's been driving me around lately - and mostly just cuz I know cash is tight right now for him and he's been a great friend.

It was interesting, after the movie James told me he sometimes feels like he was "safer" in L.A. than he is here in Fort Collins. He said because there is more diversity there that he doesn't feel he stands out as being "Japanese-American" or "asian" or whatever - well James didn't actully say this in so many words, so I shouldn't put words in his mouth. BUT.. it was interesting that he said something and I'm glad he did because it makes me think about white privelege and what it means to have the skin color I have in this country, as well as the rights and priveleges that I enjoy without even thinking about it or realize it as a young white man in Fort Collins, CO. I have a feeling that my thoughts on race and relations, etc. will change and expand even more when I am on St. John - I hope so. I'm excited, and nervous, about this and learning what its like to be a minority as far as skin color goes. That may seem strange to some - that I'm excited to be a "minority." But when you think about it, i GUARANTEE you that you are a minority in some way, shape, or form. And its just how that part of your identity is played out and seen in U.S. society that shapes what this trait means to you and your life. OK, I am probably being confusing - hmmm simple example: You identify as BLACK or AFRICAN AMERICAN and live in Urbandale, IA. You are in the minority in that category. But say there are other things about you that you don't really think about because society doesn't categorize them as importantly as something like skin color. Example: you LOVE anchovies on everything you eat, you can't get enough. You're in the minority of folks there, most likely, and depending on where you live. OH man, haha i don't think my brain is working like it did in the school days..

Basically, i'm just saying that its worth it to stop an think about why society chooses the things it does to use to divide and separate people. Skin color seems that it is something obvious to use - its so EASY to use because its right there up front, it's a visible trait. But some things seem odd - like in watching Hotel Rwanda and learning about the two rival "ethnic" groups that developed in Rwanda - from my incomplete, vastly uninformed, and somewhat ignorant limited knowledge gained simply from the Hollywood film, it seems that basically the people of this country were divided on such things as arbitrary as height and the broadness of the physical characteristic of their noses - so strange.

Things get even stranger when you talk about INVISIBLE traits that divide people in society (thinking back on Crash - some interesting conversations and things about light skinned African Americans being seen as white, and ALL people of South American descent being "Mexican" - some small comments in this film have a whole lot to say about society). For instance, you can look at me, and you'll have certain perceptions from the way I look back at you, from my clothes, from my body language - but you have no way to tell what's inside me. I could be a bigot, a homophobe.. then again, there is now way for you to know that I am who I truly am inside.

OK, I think I'm rambling somewhat on this topic - and may not be making much sense. But just go fucking see Crash, OK? About halfway through you'll either be into it, or maybe it just won't be for you. There is a point where I began looking at situations that occured and the admired filmakers balls (Make the black guys the theifs, the white cop a prick - OK that wasn't a surprise about the racist white cop - the surprise comes as his character develops, and so on, i was like hell ya this feels real), rather than just what the actual characters were saying and joking about other races. This movie IS about race... but I think you leave thinking more about PEOPLE if that makes any sense.

Hmm.. so totally switching gears. Lindsay had a rough day and I hope she is doing OK. She's great and love her. What an awesome girl she is - I LOVE the fact she is stepping outside of herself lately and what she is used to and trying new things and questioning and living - and still loving those aroud her and appreciating all the good she has in her life. She worries a lot because she sees the others around her doing things and she finds herself comparing too much I think - LINDS, i love YOU for YOU and because thats who you are. If you were like Kreoger or Me, or anyone else, than you woulnd't be you. So just fucking keep living and loving and doing what feels right - there will be ups and downs but don't quit searching for what makes you happy.

I'm not one to be giving advice though - I am so damn emotional sometimes. Actually lately I've been doing OK and feeling pretty good. The whole thing with Ashley and her hanging w/ her new "crew" and stuff lately has been real hard on me. It wasn't til last night though that I kinda broke down a little as I talked with her on the phone.. thats when she said something: "I've moving/I've moved on." Hard to hear - and still kinda digesting this...

Damn its already 11:00pm. The days are flying by - I hope this continues. But not if it means sacrificing good time spent w/ James and Ashley and friends out here, I want to savor every last minute of that because it will be awhile till I see them most likely. Basically, i want WORK to fly by :)

Good news for the first week in August - I'm going to stay w/ Helen, my favorite person from work. I'm excited about this! She makes AWESOME food and I really like her, her family, and her grandson Zane (he's like in 1st grade i think) and she said he'd probably be by to visit - he's a funny and kind kid. Anyway, I need to offer to pay some $$ obviously and I haven't done this yet. I bet she'll say OH ITS FINE! but I am still going to offer at least before, during, and when I'm leaving to give them something for their trouble. Haven't figured out transportation for that week yet - may just take the pumpkin truck home to her house each night.

Well my fingers are cramping up! Think I may crawl into bed and read some more travel writings from this book I'm trying to get into - makes me want to kayak!! Next week will be busy w/ the events I've helped coordinate for the CCC conference, AND I may play some substitution hockey for 2 separate teams. I'll try and update. PEACE.